THE NEW ‘ALL IN THE FAMILY’ Episode 3

FADE IN

VOICEOVER

Previously on “The New All In

The Family…”

INT – THE HOUSE, LIVING ROOM  DAY

GISELLE

Josh’s delinquency?!

JOEY

The kid didn’t turn in his homework

again.

CUT TO:

INT – THE HOUSE, LIVING ROOM/DINING AREA DAY

GISELLE

Your school says you were delinquent.

JOSH

Delinquent? I don’t have a clue what

you’re talking about.

JOEY

Well how bout this smarty? Take a

look here.

Shows him his phone.

JOSH

Oh that’s not reliable. You know how

easy it is to hack into a cell phone?

CUT TO:

INT – THE HOUSE, LIVING ROOM/DINING AREA NIGHT

IMAGE – TEXT being typed (User) flashes – You gotta fix my school records so they look normal.

ALL OF A SUDDEN, the phone is yanked out from under him (Josh).

JOEY

(looking at phone)

“Fix my school records so they look

normal…”

Josh looks really trapped and helpless.

CUT TO:

INT – THE HOUSE, KITCHEN/DINING AREA  DAY

SAMANTHA

He’s upset you took away his phone.

CUT TO:

INT – HIGH SCHOOL HALLWAY  DAY

JOSH

Hey, you have to.

MICHAEL

(in disbelief)

Give you my cell phone?

CUT TO:

INT – BOYS BATHROOM  DAY

IMAGE – TEXT being typed (Valentina) – Okay send me $100 US in iTunes cards and I’ll get completely naked for you.

IMAGE – TEXT being typed (Joshua) – I can’t baby. I’m on someone else’s phone now. He’ll kill me if I hack into my father’s account now.

CUT TO:

Caption: “And now…..”

INT – SCHOOL PRINCIPAL’S OFFICE  DUSK

Joey, Giselle, PRINCIPAL GOODMAN and JAMES and TIFFANY BORDWICK, Michael’s parents, a very dejected Josh as well as Michael, are sitting around a table.

PRINCIPAL GOODMAN

(looking at each as

if in a circular motion)

Okay folks, we have a very serious

situation here. We’ve been able to

discover a series of hacks that

are not only a violation of school

policy but a serious crime that can

mean jail time.

JOEY

Jail time!??

PRINCIPAL GOODMAN

Hang on. It is the school’s policy

to try and resolve the matter in

the best way possible. We haven’t

reported this crime because we

believe this can still be a

teachable moment.

The boys show great relief.

PRINCIPAL GOODMAN

What we recommend is a permanent

suspension for Josh and summer school

for Michael because you were only an

accomplice.

JOEY

How is suspension a teachable moment?

It’s not us you should be punishing.

PRINCIPAL GOODMAN

Mr. Stivic, don’t think that acting dumb

is going to change my mind.

JOEY

Well that just goes to show how

intelligent you are.

PRINCIPAL GOODMAN

Excuse me?

JOEY

If I was acting dumb, you’d know it.

PRINCIPAL GOODMAN

I rest my case about where he gets

his mental deficiency from. We are

recommending home schooling and that

he take an equivalency test. Josh,

this will go on your record permanently

as these hacks not only involve

alteration of school records but

theft of large sums of money.

The adults make unpleasant noises of shocked dismay while Michael gives an angry look at Josh.

PRINCIPAL GOODMAN

But we won’t report you so you’ll

still have a clean record with the

legal system. But I warn you, you

don’t want to get on the wrong side

of the law.

GISELLE

Principal Goodman, what do you mean

by large sums of money? Why is this

the first we are hearing     about this?

PRINCIPAL GOODMAN

We discovered on Michael’s phone a

transcript of a conversation between

Josh and a young lady in the Ukraine

in which he admitted to having sent

money.

Everybody, especially Giselle and Joey, looks and SOUNDS shocked. Josh pales blank.

GISELLE

I don’t believe it.

JOEY

(clenching his teeth)

I’m gonna kill that boy.

GISELLE

(restraining him gently

with her arms on his)

Wait a minute, Joey, we don’t even

know if it’s the same thing that

happened to you. Principal Goodman,

how much money was discovered hacked?

Josh freezes, really worried and really scared…

PRINCIPAL GOODMAN

Unfortunately, the transcript doesn’t

say. The young lady asked him for

a hundred dollars and Josh refused

saying he didn’t want to get Michael

in trouble, which is admirable and

why I see hope for this boy in spite

of how much trouble he’s in.

JOEY

Wait a second. He didn’t want to get

Michael in trouble but thought nothing

of stealing ten thousand dollars of

our hard-earned money. You must really

not like me Principal.

Everybody gasps.

PRINCIPAL GOODMAN

I don’t. But, wow, ten thousand. Makes me

almost feel sorry for you Mr. Stivic.

But I’m gonna let that be your problem

since it doesn’t concern the school.

He’s all yours.

JOEY

(half under his breath)

Yeah, figures. But don’t worry.

(with intense anger,

still under his breath)

He’ll get everything he deserves.

INT – SCHOOLYARD  DAY

Samantha is sitting on the ground, phone in hand, leaning against a concrete wall together with a friend, KAMALA, a light skinned girl of color, with frizzy almost unkempt hair, unordered, sometimes close cropped, sometimes thick dreds in kinks sticking out, looking somewhat like a boy.

KAMALA

Wait!… Your brother got suspended?

Oh my God.

SAMANTHA

(half into her phone,

half taking in Kamala)

Yeah it’s no big deal.

KAMALA

You’re not worried how it’ll reflect

on you?

SAMANTHA

Why should I? He’s him and I’m me.

KAMALA

I don’t know. If it were my brother,

I think I’d be worried.

SAMANTHA

Why? I don’t get it.

KAMALA

I don’t know, maybe it’s a black

thing. Anything that a family member

does you’re judged for.

SAMANTHA

Really? Well that’s wrong. Don’t let

what other people say about your

brother bring you down. Brothers are

supposed to be stupid.

KAMALA

I don’t really…

SAMANTHA

Unless they’re good looking and they’re

not your brother.

KAMALA

That’s not true. Just cause someone’s

good looking doesn’t make them smart.

Lots of good looking boys are real

stupid. Look, I don’t really have a

brother. I just meant a family

member in general. Why are you always

in your phone?

SAMANTHA

I’m not always in my phone.

KAMALA

Yes you are. Every time I see you…

Can’t you check out for a change?

Samantha puts her phone down.

SAMANTHA

You happy?

KAMALA

Alright!

INT – THE HOUSE, LIVING ROOM  DAY

A very upset Joey and an anxious Giselle reaching her arms to him and trying to calm him in front of a very scared Josh.

JOEY

You’re very lucky I didn’t beat the

crap out of you.

GISELLE

Honey, please let me talk to him.

What Daddy’s trying to say…

JOEY

(interrupting)

I don’t need you to talk for me! He’s

very lucky he’s still in one piece.

GISELLE

What we’re trying to tell you Josh is

things are gonna be very different…

JOEY

First of all, you’re grounded. You just

come down for family meals. No

television. And no computer.

Giselle looks at Josh with a mixture of sympathy and worry.

JOEY

Second of all, we’re locking up your

phone for good. You don’t know how

to use it responsibly.

GISELLE

It’s for your own good honey.

JOEY

Yeah, like that ever worked.

GISELLE

Hey. That was totally unnecessary.

JOEY

Third, you’re gonna pay back every

penny of that ten thousand dollars.

JOSH

How’m I gonna do that being confined

to my room with no electronic device?

JOEY

That’s your problem, not mine. You’re

pretty smart fixing your school

records, sending my money to a foreign

country. You can figure this one out

too.

GISELLE

Oh Joey…

JOEY

We’ll figure out something, be quiet.

(to Josh)

Now go to your room. I don’t want to

see you no more.

He goes upstairs, expressionless.

JOEY

We gotta figure out some way to lock

his door so he can’t get out. Call

the locksmith and tell him to come

over. Now I gotta deal with this

credit card issue so we can get back

the trust of the company.

Giselle comes over and massages Joey.

GISELLE

Honey, just remember, he’s just a boy

who’s really smart but in a world he

really doesn’t understand. Josh is

too young to understand the dangers of

the tech world.

JOEY

You really gotta be kidding. He stole

our money and altered his school

records. He knew what he was doing!

GISELLE

Honey, listen. Let’s not act from

our emotions. He needs us. He needs

to know you care and support him.

JOEY

(sarcastic, making a face)

“He needs to know I care and support

him.” That’s all you can think of.

I think my not beating the crap out

of him is more than enough to show I

care. Which I really don’t right now.

GISELLE

Fine. I’ll go talk to him.

She goes upstairs.

FADE OUT

FADE IN

INT – LIVING ROOM  DAY

Giselle comes down from upstairs looking and feeling exasperated. Mike is there with Joey.

GISELLE

Hi Mike.

MIKE

Hi Giselle. How’s it going?

GISELLE

Don’t ask.

(to Joey)

Darling, get me a cool wet pad and

give me a massage. After that I’m

gonna take a facial soak. And I don’t

want to be disturbed.

JOEY

I told you not to waste your time

on that boy.

GISELLE

Joey, he’s our son.

MIKE

I could talk to him.

Joey SNICKERS.

GISELLE

There’s a time in a boy’s life no

one ever tells you about when he

ceases to be a boy but he’s far

from being a man either.

MIKE

Waxing poetic.

GISELLE

It’s that hideous period called

teenagerhood. And then we get tortured

again with it as parents.

JOEY

Well I don’t know about other teenagers

but this one’s definitely a hideous

monster from hell.

MIKE

What happened?

JOEY

Don’t ask.

MIKE

Okay…

GISELLE

(interrupting)

Come on Joey I don’t want to wait all

day on that mask and massage.

JOEY

(focusing on Mike)

Don’t worry. This is only the

beginning of a long hell for him.

Two can play that game.

MIKE

And what do you hope to accomplish

by this?

GISELLE

(screaming)

Hey! Stop ignoring me! Get me what I

asked.

Joey gets up and starts toward the stairs.

JOEY

This from the woman who refuses to

get me a beer after work.

GISELLE

Oh Joey stop. You know I get that

beer most of the time. Plus I never

ask you to do anything. Now stop

your whining.

Joey goes upstairs.

MIKE

(looking out up

expressing out the room’s

tension on him)

So’ooo……

Looks around at Giselle who’s sitting back almost collapsed on the couch.

MIKE

Anybody gonna tell me what just

happened with my grandson?

GISELLE

Oh sorry, Mike. Too much for us at

once. Well he didn’t just hack the

school records. Get this. He hacked

into his dad’s credit card account

and sent ten thousand dollars to

some strange woman in the Ukraine.

MIKE

(grinning with incredulity)

You’re kidding!

GISELLE

Do I look like I’m kidding?

MIKE

(almost laughing)

So that’s what that whole thing with

the Ukraine was all about.

GISELLE

And you find this whole thing funny.

MIKE

No, no…

Joey returns with the mask lotion and sponges.

JOEY

The school says it’s my fault he

turned into this. Meanwhile, who’s

the one supposed to be keeping an

eye on him all day while his parents

are at work? But don’t worry. I’m

gonna show them what real discipline

is.

In his tension, he starts to rub his hands in the lotion and slap it on Giselle’s face but she breaks away, takes the stuff and gets up.

GISELLE

Never mind. I’ll do it myself.

She proceeds to go upstairs.

MIKE

Joey, taking your anger out on your

kid isn’t gonna fix your problems

and it isn’t gonna fix him.

JOEY

Don’t you have a home to go to?

MIKE

(shrugging in futility)

Look Joey I know you’re stressed

right now…

JOEY

(interrupting)

I’m not stressed! I just got saddled

for some unknown reason with a son

who’s a complete moron and a society

that’s so messed up you really can’t

blame the boy for what he done.

MIKE

I’m glad to hear that.

JOEY

It’s the fault of the liberals turning

this country into a dangerous free

for all.

MIKE

Yeah right. Blame everything on the

liberals. Instead of dealing with the

problem.

JOEY

Well let me tell you something. It’s

the fault of that liberal socialist

education system that he     turned out

like that. They teach you to steal

and to hack.

MIKE

They do not teach you to steal. And

who’s fault is it you turned out

like you turned out?

JOEY

Nobody’s. I turned out good.

MIKE

Well.

JOEY

Well what?

MIKE

You turned out well.

JOEY

Yeah whatever. And you know what

really ticks me? He could have hacked

into something useful like the

government of China? Why couldn’t

he do that?

MIKE

Are you kidding me? You can’t just

do something like that. It’s illegal.

JOEY

No it’s not. They been doing it to

us for years. So it’s perfectly legit.

MIKE

Oh, so you mean if one country

violates international law, it’s

alright to retaliate?

JOEY

Yeah. Exactly.

MIKE

That’s how the world gets a lot

worse. You never heard the

expression, an eye for an eye and

the whole world goes blind?

JOEY

Who said anything about eyes? I

thought we were talking about

hacking.

MIKE

I can’t believe myself. A college

professor talking to my son who

can’t even get aphorisms.

JOEY

(suddenly with a smile)

Hey wait a minute! I just thought

of something!

Mike stops and looks at him, very curious.

JOEY

Josh needs to be home schooled,

right?

MIKE

Yeah that would make sense.

JOEY

So let’s get the college professor

to do it. I mean here we are yapping

all this nonsense…

MIKE

Yeah, but that never stopped you

before.

JOEY

Josh’ll never let his mom and me

school him with his big mouth and

wise ass ways.

MIKE

His mom and I.

JOEY

Yeah, whatever. Since he’s already

gonna be corrupted by liberalism,

might as well call on the family

liberal himself.

MIKE

I don’t know whether to be flattered

or insulted.

JOEY

Come on, dad, we need you.

MIKE

Well, I don’t know if I could prepare

him for the equivalency. That’s a

pretty full time endeavor.

JOEY

You think we have the time to stay

home and miss work?

All of a sudden, Josh appears stunning both of them. He’s half dressed as is typical for him, ignores them and goes straight for the kitchen. They both stare toward the kitchen.

JOEY

He won’t eat a morsel at mealtime

but he’ll attack the food like a

caveman when it’s not time to eat.

MIKE

I’ll go talk to him.

Leaves the room.

INT – KITCHEN  NIGHT

The refrigerator door is wide open and Josh’s head is stuck way inside, his butt sticking out towards the door and Mike, who moves in on him.

MIKE

(Trying to angle

at the fridge)

What’s there to eat?

JOSH

(lost and confused)

I don’t know.

MIKE

Come on, move aside, let me at it.

Josh moves aside and Mike grabs some Chewy Chocolate Chip Cookies. Takes one package and reaches out a second to Josh.

JOSH

Thanks.

They munch with satisfaction, eating all the while they talk.

JOSH

Hey.

(pause)

Can you do me a favor?

Mike looks at him.

JOSH

Can you let me use your laptop? Like

sneak it in without dad knowing?

MIKE

Josh, I’d love to but…     That wouldn’t

be right to go behind your parents’

backs.

JOSH

Oh come on. After how much he insults

you all the time?

MIKE

See, that’s the difference between me

and your dad. He just reacts to what

other people do and say. I do the

right thing even if it’s     unpopular.

Josh looks both impressed and superior.

MIKE

And that’s your first lesson for your

home schooling. Never abandon your

principles and always do the right

thing.

JOSH

I never do abandon my principles.

They’re just different from yours.

You look out for other people. I look

out for myself. That’s the only way you

get ahead.

MIKE

And where are you now?

JOSH

Oh this doesn’t count. My plan just

backfired. But I’ll figure out another

one.

MIKE

Josh, you can’t figure your way

through life. Whether you want to

get ahead for yourself or develop

a set of principles that take others

into consideration, which I think

is the right way and a better way,

you’ve got to learn the rules. That’s

why we have schooling.

JOSH

(with his finger flicking)

Well I got suspended, so that plan’s

dead in the water.

MIKE

No it’s not because you’re gonna get

home schooled.

JOSH

Yeah, right. Like that’s gonna make a

difference…

MIKE

It’ll make a big difference.

JOSH

Yeah it might if you were my teacher.

MIKE

Well guess what? Surprise!

(grins)

I am your teacher.

JOSH

What? Naaah… No you’re not. Dad

would never allow that. Besides,

it’s supposed to be a punishment.

MIKE

Well here’s lesson number two. If a

tenured college professor offers to

home school you, take it. You’re never

gonna get a better education to finish

out high school. You’ll be smarter than

all your high school peers.

JOSH

Really? How’d you get Dad to agree

to that?

MIKE

It was actually your dad who suggested

it.

JOSH

You’re kidding.

MIKE

He’s my son. He’s gotta come up with

a bright idea at least every once in

a blue moon.

JOSH

Oooh. You’re fresh.

MIKE

Yeah, let’s keep it between us. Like

you keep all your other secrets.

JOSH

(still in disbelief)

So you’re gonna teach me. Wow. So

how many computer languages do you

know? How good are you at cracking

codes?

MIKE

I’m sorry but this is not gonna be

about cracking codes. I’m not a

computer scientist. I’m a sociology

and English professor.

JOSH

(grinning)

How you gonna teach me if you don’t know

computers? Looks like I gotta teach you.

MIKE

Please do. One’s never too old to

learn.

The two cookie boxes are completely empty.

INT – LIVING ROOM  NIGHT

In the front door walks Samantha with Kamala. Joey, Giselle and Mike are suddenly transfixed in a kind of staring that would make any stranger uncomfortable.

SAMANTHA

Come on guys, don’t stare rudely.

It’s impolite.

KAMALA smiles and chuckles quietly.

KAMALA

(in a soft, girlish voice)

Hi?.

SAMANTHA

This is my friend Kamala.

GISELLE

Nice to meet you, Kamala.

KAMALA

The pleasure’s all mine.

JOEY

Wow. A kid with manners. Can you

please teach my children how to

respect their parents?

She chuckles.

KAMALA

Must be my southern upbringing.

JOEY

Southern? With a name like…?

KAMALA

It’s Ka-MA-la.

JOEY

Yeah whatever.

SAMANTHA

(impatiently)

Come on, Kamala.

JOEY

You know for a girl you sure look

like a boy.

Everybody looks at him with shock.

KAMALA

Excuse me?

SAMANTHA

(clenching teeth)

Dad… You’re embarrassing me.

JOEY

No boys are allowed in your room

with you alone, you know that.

SAMANTHA

Oh my God!

KAMALA

It’s okay, Mr. Stivic. I’m a girl.

The two girls hurry upstairs.

MIKE

I don’t mean to upset you, Joey, but

if she likes a boy, she’s gonna find

a way around you.

JOEY

No she won’t. My word is law around

here.

MIKE

Poor Samantha.

JOEY

And another thing. What’s with this

boys looking like girls or girls

looking like boys?

MIKE

Oh so you have a problem with

transgender.

JOEY

Don’t get me wrong. I’m very

sensitive to people.

MIKE

Like a Mac truck.

JOEY

Eh!! I never make those comments

about people being black or gay

cause I know they’re super sensitive

and it becomes a federal case.

MIKE

Or Mexican.

JOEY

They don’t count. They’re not legal.

MIKE

Most of them are legally     allowed to

be here.

JOEY

You should come down to my shop.

You’d see how wrong you are. Anyway,

I was gonna say if she was gay, I’d

have no problem.

GISELLE

Yeah, except you wouldn’t let her

up alone with Samantha.

JOEY

Yeah well that stands to reason.

Same reason I don’t let her up with

boys.

INT – SAMANTHA’S ROOM  NIGHT

Samantha and Kamala are kissing. All of a sudden, Kamala moves forward again and this time grabs Samantha toward her and locks her mouth on Samantha’s while holding her tightly, her arms all the way around Samantha as they kiss the way lovers do. Although Samantha at first shifts her eyes with this unexpected deep kiss, she begins to relax into it and enjoy it, with a big smile on her face, which causes Kamala to smile brightly.

FADE OUT

THE NEW ‘ALL IN THE FAMILY’ Episode 2

FADE IN

 

INT – THE HOUSE, KITCHEN/DINING AREA  DAY

 

Giselle is making breakfast. Joey walks in. He goes over to the coffeepot. He looks at it disappointedly.

 

JOEY

Where’s the coffee?

 

GISELLE

Oh for crying out pissing loud, Joey,

just push the damn button.

 

JOEY

(turning on coffeemaker)

Alright, no need to get bent out

of shape.

 

She breaths a heavy sigh as he stands by the coffeemaker and waits for it to brew.

 

GISELLE

(handing him a plate of

toast)

Here, butter these as long as you’re

just standing around.

In walks Samantha as Joey goes into the fridge for the butter and gets to work.

 

SAMANTHA

What’s for breakfast?

 

GISELLE

And good morning to you too honey.

 

SAMANTHA

Yeah, what’s for breakfast?

 

GISELLE

Nothing if you don’t help me get it

ready.

 

JOEY

(buttering toast)

I suggest you listen to your mom if

you wanna eat.

 

SAMANTHA

(rolling her eyes)

Okay, what?

 

GISELLE

Go get the bacon in the fridge and

pop it on the grill. Where’s your

brother?

 

SAMANTHA

How should I know? He’s real upset.

 

Gets bacon from fridge and approaches grill, on which eggs are frying.

 

GISELLE

(starts to yell toward

stairs, then stops abruptly)

Josh!…

(then, as abruptly,

normal voice)

No I don’t wanna yell.

 

SAMANTHA

He’s upset you took away his phone.

I don’t think he’s gonna come down.

 

JOEY

Oh he’s gonna come if I have to drag

his ass down here.

 

GISELLE

Joey! Let’s not make a scene now.

 

JOEY

There won’t be any scene. Don’t worry.

I got it in control.

 

INT – JOSH’S BEDROOM  DAY

 

The room is dark with disheveled clothes all over the place as disorderly as can be imagined. Josh is in only boxer shorts fussing, trying to find clothes to wear among the mess. Joey walks in.

 

JOEY

(with exasperation)

What the hell are you doing?

 

Josh gives him a really angry look and goes crazy ploughing through his mess.

 

JOEY

Ey! Don’t look at me like that. Now

get yourself in gear and get

downstairs to breakfast like everyone

else. And get some clothes on.

 

JOSH

(really exasperated)

What do you think I’m trying to do?

Go away.

 

Joey gets more in his face.

 

JOEY

Hey! Don’t talk to me like that!

 

INT – KITCHEN/DINING AREA  DAY

 

Giselle and Samantha are fussing away making a nice breakfast.

 

GISELLE

I hope they don’t get into a fight.

I can’t take another fight.

 

JOEY (o.s.)

(yelling really loud)

I’ve just had about enough out of you!

 

Giselle stops and looks toward the stairs waiting.

 

JOSH (o.s.)

(equally as loud)

I have the right to not come down

if I don’t want! It’s guaranteed

in the Constitution!

 

The second he speaks, Giselle is immediately back to her work of bringing the food to the table, followed by Samantha silently bringing the bacon but visually focused on the stairs.

 

JOEY (o.s.)

(right after Josh)

Eh! You got no rights at all until

you turn 20!

 

SAMANTHA

(immediately, to Giselle)

18.

 

Giselle gives a disapproving look at her.

 

JOSH (o.s.)

(coming downstairs)

18!

 

They are visible now coming down the stairs.

 

JOEY

Good! 18 then. That’s a whole     two

years you gotta do whatever I want

you to do.

 

Samantha and Giselle are seated at the table. Josh feigns complete indifference, head lowered.

 

SAMANTHA

(to Josh)

If it makes you feel any better, I

don’t have the phone I want either.

 

The adults are uneasy.

 

JOSH

Are you kidding? You have a phone!

I got nothing. Nothing but a wall

to stare at.

 

GISELLE

Ey, ey, ey! Let’s eat in peace.

 

SAMANTHA

What, you never heard of books? Maybe

you should read one and get intelligent.

 

GISELLE

Okay that’s enough.

 

JOEY

(already chowing down)

No she’s got a point there. Children

should read. It will make you

intelligent.

 

SAMANTHA

So does that mean I can have my

iPhone X?

 

JOEY

You don’t have an iPhone X so it’s

not your iPhone X. And iPhones make

you stupid, not intelligent. That’s

why they call it a smart phone, cause

it’s the phone that’s smart, not you.

 

She grimmaces.

 

GISELLE

Come on Josh, eat something. It’s

really good.

 

She heaps some food on his a plate and passes it in front of him. Samantha picks it up and holds it close to his face.

 

SAMANTHA

(smiling, teasing)

Mmmmm…. Good food. Eat up.

(poking it against his

nose while smirking)

Mmmm… Smells good.

 

GISELLE

(interrupting, yelling

synchronous with below)

                        Samantha, stop!

 

Josh pushes the plate away violently while still in Samantha’s hand and it hits the table with a bang.

 

JOEY

(loud and abrupt)

Hey! I’ve just about had enough out

of you two delinquent morons!

ABRUPT CUT

INT – HIGH SCHOOL HALLWAY  DAY

 

Kids are walking slothfully yet stylishly in the way they do. Josh and his friend, MICHAEL, are walking together.

 

JOSH

Hey, you have to.

 

MICHAEL

(in disbelief)

Give you my cell phone?

 

JOSH

Yeah, my dad took mine away for

a long time.

 

MICHAEL

Okay what’d you do this time?

 

JOSH

You know damn well what happened.

 

MICHAEL

Oh. You mean, hacking into the school

records? Yeah that’s pretty serious,

dude.

 

JOSH

So help me out here. My girlfriend’s

probably real pissed at me now.

 

MICHAEL

What girlfriend? You don’t have a

girlfriend.

 

JOSH

Yeah you know.

 

Points to Michael’s phone.

 

MICHAEL

Oh you mean that fake online

girlfriend?

 

JOSH

She’s not fake. She’s real. She

talks.

 

MICHAEL

Dude listen. Every girl online is

fake. Don’t you know that? They’re

all scams.

 

JOSH

How the hell do you know that?

 

MICHAEL

Cause no girl would just tell you

she loves you just like that.

Especially you dude. I mean when

have any of the girls here shown

even the slightest interest in you?

 

A bell rings and the kids stop scuffling and start walking seriously to class.

 

JOSH

Come on, give it to me. You won’t

even miss it.

 

He grabs it out of Michael’s hand.

 

MICHAEL

Ey! Give it back right after class

or you’re dead meat.

 

JOSH

Of course I will. Don’t worry. Just

go to class.

 

INT – BOYS BATHROOM  DAY

 

Josh is inside a stall, his pants down, sitting on the toilet, typing into the phone.

 

IMAGE – TEXT being typed (Josh, with profile picture of him) – Hey

 

IMAGE – TEXT being typed (Valentina, with picture of a beautiful blonde young lady) – Hey

[new line] What happened to you? I was there waiting for you with my clothes off like I promised.

 

IMAGE – TEXT being typed (Josh) – I’m sorry my dad took my phone away. I got my clothes off now.

 

STUDENT HALL MONITOR (o.s.)

(in bathroom)

Hey! Time to get to class!

 

IMAGE – TEXT being typed (Valentina) – Yeah but I can’t take my clothes off now. The whole family’s home now. It’s 6:45 PM here in Ukraine. We’re about to eat.

 

JOSH

(head in phone, yelling)

Give me a minute!

 

IMAGE – TEXT being typed (Joshua) – Oh, damn, baby. I was really looking forward to having fun with you.

 

IMAGE – TEXT being typed (Valentina)- Well you blew it. I’m pretty upset too, waiting for you like that.

 

IMAGE – TEXT being typed (Joshua) – Come on, baby, don’t be like that. Go into a bathroom and we can do it there.

 

IMAGE – TEXT being typed (Valentina) – Okay send me $100 US in iTunes cards and I’ll get completely naked for you.

 

HALL MONITOR (o.s.)

Come on! You’ve been there like ten

minutes!

 

IMAGE – TEXT being typed (Joshua) – I can’t baby. I’m on someone else’s phone now. He’ll kill me if I hack into my father’s account now.

 

JOSH

(yelling)

Come on! I can’t get it out that

fast!

 

IMAGE – TEXT being typed (Valentina) – I see you’re not a man then. Oh well, sorry, no sex for you.

 

IMAGE – TEXT being typed (Joshua) – What are you talking about? I’m a man. It’s just I don’t have my phone any more. Come on baby, you gotta understand.

 

IMAGE – TEXT appearing – Unable to send messages to this user.

 

JOSH

Shi’… Oh my God…

 

HALL MONITOR (o.s.)

Hurry up!

 

JOSH

Alright I’m coming!

 

INT – DOORWAY CLASSROOM  DAY

 

Josh tries to sneak quietly into the classroom and ends up looking obvious and attention grabbing. He tries to sneak up to Michael and surreptiously hands him the phone, which Michael gladly snatches up from him quickly and stealthily puts it away, while the teacher seated at his desk looks briefly in their direction with disapproval but tries to go on with the lesson, not allowing this interruption to stop him.

 

MICHAEL

(whispering to Josh)

So how’s your girlfriend?

 

JOSH

(whispering)

She conned out on me.

 

MICHAEL

(smiling, whispering)

Yeah, sure… She cut you off, right?

 

JOSH

(upset)

How d’you know that? No she didn’t!

 

TEACHER

(v.o. at first,

then visible, looking

sternly at boys)

Excuse me is there a problem there?

Mr. Stivic, please step up to my desk.

 

Stunned and mortified, Josh slithers up to the desk provoking LAUGHTER.

 

TEACHER

Ok, why were you so late?

 

Silence. The teacher gives a widened eye disbelieving curious look at Josh.

 

JOSH

I fell in the hall before.

 

TEACHER

Can’t you come up with a better lie

than that? Go back to your seat. I

don’t want my lesson interrupted.

Next time that happens, you’ll get

a failing mark and probably detention.

FADE OUT

 

EXT/INT – AUTO REPAIR SHOP  DAY

 

The southern California sky outside is characteristically hazy but unusually cloudy with no visible sun or sunny sky. Inside, the usual dark looks even darker with car parts seeming to be all over the place, many of them looking brutally damaged, others looking more decent, some even with the coveted car shine. A few MECHANICS are busy at work. Joey is in a small office built into the corner of the shop. Behind the desk where he is standing is a large photo of a Donald Trump cutout and him, arms around each other in a semi-embrace for the camera, Trump with a big smile, Joey with his silly look of pride. The cutout looks like the real Trump.

 

A customer, GUSTAVO ESTEVES, is standing at the counter in the office. Joey is on the other side.

 

JOEY

Well, alright, Fernando sir, I looked

over your Ford, a fine American car,

if I may say so.

 

GUSTAVO

My name’s Gustavo, señor.

 

JOEY

Whatever. You all look the same to

me.

 

GUSTAVO

I beg your pardon?

 

Joey ignores him and goes on talking.

 

JOEY

It’s gonna cost you $350 for a new

belt, chassis, and new brake pads.

With the tune up and labor, it comes

to $450.

 

GUSTAVO

$450?!! You tryin’a rip me off?

That doesn’t cost that much.

 

JOEY

We do the best job in any shop around

here for miles.

 

Gustavo pauses, smiles, chuckles a little and takes a step back, then looks straight at Joey.

 

GUSTAVO

Are you by any chance charging me

more because I’m Mexican?

 

JOEY

(feeling caught,

but looking shadily

and indifferent)

Oh no, sir, not at all. We take pride

in the extra work we do, the superior

parts…

 

GUSTAVO

Then how come that other shop down

the block is teeming with customers

while this one’s empty?

 

JOEY

(hesitates, thinking for

an answer)

That’s why there are so many wrecks.

Inferior parts and labor. In car

repair, it doesn’t pay to save money.

And our shop is not empty. We just do

our repairs by appointment. The other

guy probably has so many cars, he

doesn’t know one from the other.

 

GUSTAVO

(somewhat amused)

Oh yeah?

 

Joey just looks at him, uncomfortable and standoffish.

 

JOEY

(suspicious)

I need the money now.

 

GUSTAVO

Why? It’s common practice to do the

work first and then charge.

 

JOEY

Well, we don’t do that here because

of our superior service. We don’t

want someone who’s gonna walk out

of here without paying.

 

GUSTAVO

It’s because I’m Mexican isn’t it?

 

JOEY

Again with the Mexican. You know

something? You’re really paranoid.

I’m like this with all the customers.

 

An assistant mechanic happens to be in the small office and hears him.

 

ASSISTANT MECHANIC

Believe me, he is.

 

MICHELLE, a young white woman walks into the shop, seeming in a big hurry and cheerful.

 

MICHELLE

(rushing, a little

out of breath)

Hiya, Joey, I hope you don’t mind, I

need to get my car right away and go.

(to Gustavo, also cheerful)

Sorry to interrupt.

 

JOEY

Oh hi there, Michelle. Don’t worry

about Fernando here…

 

GUSTAVO

Gustavo.

 

JOEY

(looking upset)

Whatever.

(switching to Michelle)

Let me just grab your key, Michelle.

The car’s right out back all ready.

 

Grabs a key off the hook and gives it to her.

 

MICHELLE

Thanks Joey!

 

She darts out cheerfully.

 

JOEY

(waving at her,

but she’s already gone)

Hasta luega.

 

GUSTAVO

(as she starts leaving)

Luego!

 

JOEY

What?

 

GUSTAVO

Never mind. Now I just saw you give

her the key to her car without payment.

How come you trust her?

 

JOEY

(defensive)

Oh she’s a regular customer.

 

Gustavo is silent, not pleased. He reaches in his wallet and pulls out a card.

 

JOEY

What’s this?

 

GUSTAVO

You don’t take Visa?

 

JOEY

(scoping him suspiciously)

Well, then I’m gonna have to see your

license.

 

Gustavo reaches back into his wallet and pulls out a document. Joey looks it over and gets confused.

 

JOEY

What’s this?

 

GUSTAVO

It’s my license.

 

Joey looks it over.

 

JOEY

That doesn’t look like the standard

California license.

 

GUSTAVO

It’s an AB 60 license. It’s perfectly

legal to drive in this state if you

have one.

 

JOEY

Oh AB 60. The license they give to

illegals. You know I can report you?

 

GUSTAVO

Not so fast. You can’t report me to

the police using this license.

 

JOEY

But I can report you to ICE.

 

GUSTAVO

(hesitates)

Yes but is it worth all that trouble?

I’d have a pretty good case that

your reporting me based on a license

is illegal under state law. Most

judges here in California aren’t

gonna side with you. This isn’t

Arizona.

 

JOEY

I don’t believe it. An illegal

telling me in my own store that

I can’t be safe from illegals in

my own country.

 

GUSTAVO

Maybe I better do you a favor and

go to that inferior shop down the

street and save myself a lot of money.

 

JOEY

Yeah, maybe you better.

 

Gustavo is gone.

 

JOEY

(to himself)

What a shame. A fine American car

having to be put through all that.

 

He walks into the larger “room”/area.

 

INT – LARGER AREA OF AUTO REPAIR SHOP  DAY

 

JOEY

(to the MECHANICS)

How do you like that? An illegal

trying to get a repair job.

 

JASON, ASSISTANT MECHANIC

You shouldn’t do that to all the

Mexicans. They’re gonna all go

to the other mechanics and it’ll

ruin our business.

 

JOEY

On illegals? That’ll be the day that

these no-good vermin will ruin our

business. Let ’em all go there and

get their cars all botched up.

 

The mechanic laughs sarcastically, makes a gesture of disinterest and goes back to his work.

 

JASON

(half muttering)

I still think you’re making a big

mistake.

Joey’s phone RINGS.

 

JOEY

Joey Stivic here.

(listens)

What??

(gets really agitated)

Are you kidding me? Ten thousand!!

That’s completely wrong!!

(listens…,

is astonished)

You suspended the account?!

 

The other MECHANICS look at him with concern.

 

JOEY

You realize it was not me. I am

even more upset than you…

(cut off, listens)

You have to investigate? Yes,

please do! Oh my God…

(listens with fear)

You’ll call me back?

(listens, then with fright)

And you’ll cancel out the charge?

 

VOICE ON PHONE (v.o.)

(digitally filtered)

There’s no guarantee of that.

 

JOEY

You mean some cyberterrorist can just

make off with $10,000 of mine just

like that?

 

VOICE ON PHONE (v.o.)

(digitally filtered)

Our security is very strict. Very

few can penetrate our firewalls.

 

JOEY

Well obviously your firewalls suck

big time.

 

VOICE ON PHONE (v.o.)

(digitally filtered)

I’m sorry Mr. Stivic. But actually,

in all likelihood, the thief is

someone you know. Who have you

shared your account information

with?

 

JOEY

Nobody. Just my wife. But she’d

never…

 

VOICE ON PHONE (v.o.)

(digitally filtered)

I promise you we’ll do a thorough

and full investigation. We should

have everything cleared up in a

short time and have your account

open.

 

JOEY

Well make sure you do that. It

should never have happened in the

first place.

 

VOICE ON PHONE (v.o.)

(digitally filtered)

I know. We just want to make sure

your account is secure so you are

not vulnerable to the dangers out

there. I assure you we’ll be in

touch.

 

Hangs up. He faces his assistant and the other mechanics who are riveted in attention on him.

 

JOEY

How do you like that? They can

freeze me out of my credit account

just like that but they can’t do

anything to all those aliens that

abound here.

FADE OUT

 

INT – THE HOUSE – LIVING ROOM  DAY

 

Joey and Giselle are standing, talking to each other.

 

GISELLE

So they have no idea who hacked the

card?

 

JOEY

Well, they traced it to somebody

in the Ukraine. How do you like that?

I don’t know anybody in the Ukraine.

 

GISELLE

The Ukraine? Oh my God. So far away.

That’s scary.

 

JOEY

They said it could be a front for

somebody else. They’re doing a full

investigation.

 

She comforts him.

 

GISELLE

I’m so sorry honey.

 

JOEY

I’ll bet you it’s some liberal.

 

GISELLE

How do you know that?

 

JOEY

Because… Liberals are really evil,

dark people.

 

GISELLE

Yeah but this sounds like some

foreign agent. It gives me goose

bumps thinking some terrorist has

our information.

 

JOEY

­­Goose bumps?!? You may be onto

something. First that son of ours

and then this. And you wanna know

what happened down at work?

 

He shows real agitation and fluster as the doorbell RINGS. Giselle walks toward it.

 

JOEY

I’ll get it, I’ll get it. You always

try to show me up. Stay still for a

change.

 

She heaves a sigh. He opens the door, revealing Mike.

 

JOEY

Well look at that, speak of the

devil…

 

MIKE

Oh, I’m the devil now.

 

JOEY

No I didn’t mean it that way. What

are you doing here so early?

 

MIKE

Is it a crime for a father to want

to visit his family?

 

JOEY

Never mind. Something really bad

happened to us.

 

MIKE

Bad by your weird definition or

really bad?

 

JOEY

(gives him a dirty look)

Don’t start with me. I got a call

from the credit card company. Some

criminal hacked into our account and

stole $10,000.

 

MIKE

What?

 

GISELLE

Someone in the Ukraine.

 

MIKE

Who do you know in the Ukraine?

 

JOEY

We don’t know that! They said the

real hacker is someone we know.

 

MIKE

Wow. I don’t believe it.

(grinning evilly)

Maybe the Russians are hacking you.

 

JOEY

It’s not Russia, smarty. They said

the Ukraine. That’s nowhere near

Russia. It’s out in the sea somewhere.

 

MIKE

You’re kidding, aren’t you…

 

JOEY

Why would I kid at a time like this?

 

MIKE

No I guess you’re not. Why am I such

a fool to think otherwise?

 

JOEY

Ukraine’s a big island off the coast

of Miami.

 

MIKE

No that’s Cuba.

 

JOEY

Same thing. They been an enemy of

America forever. Thank goodness

we got a President who’s standing

up to them.

 

MIKE

Alright let’s not get all spun out

on geography. Listen, Joey, you

gotta report what happened to the

FBI and get it investigated.

 

JOEY

By the FBI? That agency of liberals?

 

MIKE

I thought Trump got rid of all the

liberals by now. Joey, you’re not

gonna find out who it is better

than they can.

 

GISELLE

He’s right.

 

The phone rings.

 

JOEY

(picking it up quickly)

Hello?

(listens)

He’s suspended?

(to Giselle and Mike)

And now on top of everything…

Josh is suspended.

 

He looks utterly defeated. Giselle and Mike look stunned.

 

JOEY

Don’t look at me like that. You

should’a known this was coming. That

smart aleck was gonna run into this

sooner or later.

 

Samantha walks through the room her head in her phone. She notices the tension suddenly.

 

SAMANTHA

(confused)

What? What’d I do now?

 

GISELLE

It’s not you this time little girl.

It’s your brother who’s in trouble.

 

SAMANTHA

(relieved)

Oh what a relief!

 

She goes back to her phone stuff and starts to walk out of the room.

 

GISELLE

And you’re not the least bit curious

about it?

 

Samantha cocks her head up, thinking about it.

 

SAMANTHA

No. Not really.

 

and keeps walking off.

 

GISELLE

(with slight harshness)

Wait a minute!

 

Samantha stops in her tracks.

 

SAMANTHA

(eyes rolled up, annoyed)

What?

 

GISELLE

I think you should know your brother’s

been suspended from school for hacking.

 

JOEY

Why should she know that? It isn’t

any of her business.

 

GISELLE

It’s family business, Joey, that’s why.

 

SAMANTHA

I hate when you guys argue.

 

GISELLE

We’re not arguing.

 

Samantha continues walking toward the outside door pretending to be focused on her phone and a big smirk breaks forth on her face as she gets into the outside.

FADE OUT

 

 

 

 

The New ‘All In The Family’ Intro

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The New ‘All In The Family’ Intro
Sep
6
by marcginsburg


The New All In The Family intro

Please stay tuned for this wonderful series that will be coming soon.

THE NEW ‘ALL IN THE FAMILY’

THE NEW ‘ALL IN THE FAMILY’
Hi. My name is Marc Ginsburg. The TV hit show ‘All In The Family’ was and still is a ground-breaking epochal and iconic event in American history. It is the quintessential show about what America really means, the tension between old and new, between the ideals America has represented from our founding and the reality of human beings, all our contradictions and desires. It could be said the All In The Family made us look at the problems and contradictions our experiment in a free society have brought about. There have been certain periods in our history when we find ourselves in the midst of great change that sweeps us up and leaves us somewhat lost in putting together a new order. Those are the periods of greatest tension, out of which comes our greatest ideas, our greatest genius.
The period of our founding was one such period. Revolutionary ideas and great economic change were occurring in Europe and they found great play here in this new land where its inhabitants challenged the old order, leading the way to a new system and finding themselves arguing across the table how to implement it.
In the 1960s, technology had revolutionized the lives of Americans and of course the younger generation found it easier to feel at home with TV, automobiles, the telephone and other new developments that sped up the pace of life. The great comedy writer Norman Lear seized upon this development and created a revolutionary TV show that both exposed the generational clash as well as found a way to bring American families together in one half hour a week to see a show that was very focused on family dynamics and that showed them aspects of their own lives that television had up to then shied away from.
We are in another such time today. Digital and mass communications technology has produced a social revolution formerly inconceivable to baby boomers, as inconceivable as life without it is to young people for whom digital technology is all they know. The world is suddenly a lot smaller and more connected and our impact on every aspect of this planet is producing alarming and unexpected new realities that the older generation is ill prepared for, bringing with it changes in lifestyle and thought. It is time for television to embrace this provocative and challenging social narrative with the same humor and penetration that All In The Family did for its generation. For this reason, I present to you The New ‘All In The Family’, the episodic story of the Stivics, centering on dad, Joey Stivic, the resistant conservative, his wife, Giselle, and teenage son and daughter, Josh and Samantha, along with his own dad, returning from the original series, Mike.
I present to you this screenplay, hoping to feature for you an episode a week for you to enjoy as one of your favorite TV shows. I hope to both present this show in written form episodically, as well as to narrate it for you in video form. I hope you will enjoy this concept and the shows themselves and help me get this into production so billions of people around the world can enjoy this great show that is not only great comedy but thoughtful and provoking just like its predecessor.

mgmgfilms

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I6rKSBGsblE&t=95s
The New All In The Family intro

Please stay tuned for this wonderful series that will be coming soon.

THE NEW ‘ALL IN THE FAMILY’

THE NEW ‘ALL IN THE FAMILY’
Hi. My name is Marc Ginsburg. The TV hit show ‘All In The Family’ was and still is a ground-breaking epochal and iconic event in American history. It is the quintessential show about what America really means, the tension between old and new, between the ideals America has represented from our founding and the reality of human beings, all our contradictions and desires. It could be said the All In The Family made us look at the problems and contradictions our experiment in a free society have brought about. There have been certain periods in our history when we find ourselves in the midst of great change that sweeps us up and leaves us somewhat lost in putting…

View original post 433 more words

Thenew #allinthefamily Episode 1 – Meet The Stivics Part 1

INT – THE HOUSE, LIVING ROOM DAYA simple yet home-like room, not too big yet comfortably spacey with a nice couch and a couple of comfortable arm chairs, the one the right revealing a lot of wear and tear underneath the padding.
On the right is the front door, which suddenly opens and in walks JOEY. He is a medium sturdy build, with a work gut beer belly and a very close crop of graying blond hair. He looks around as GISELLE comes out from the other side. She also looks of sturdy build with a perm to her medium length hair.GISELLE
(warmly with arms open,
smiling wryly)
Hiya Joey! How was your day?JOEY
(unenthusiastic)
Hey Giselle. Lousy.GISELLE
Well my day was lousy too.JOEY
Well nobody asked you. Did you
get my message?GISELLE
You mean about being late at work?JOEY
(irritated)
Why would I be asking about that
when I’m already home?Sits in the chair with wear and tear.JOEY
No I mean the message about Josh’s
delinquency.GISELLE
Josh’s delinquency?!JOEY
The kid didn’t turn in his homework
again. If you ask me, I think it’s
the school that’s delinquent. Now
get me a beer.Turns the remote on the TV.GISELLE
Please.Joey gives her a dirty look.JOEY
Never mind, I’ll get it myself.
How come you didn’t get my message?Gets up and goes into the kitchen as Giselle follows him, checking her phone.INT – KITCHEN DAYGISELLE
(to herself)
Oh.
(to Joey)
You know it would be nice if you said
please and thank you.JOEY
(as he gets the beer)
Please and thank you stop bothering
me.
INT – LIVING ROOM DAYGISELLE
(as they return to the living
room and sit in the two chairs)
What happened with Josh?JOEY
How’m I supposed to know? They just
said he hasn’t been showing up and
never got in any of his assignments.GISELLE
I don’t know. That’s not like him.
He’s usually very good about stuff
like that. He’s top of the class.JOEY
That’s why I think it’s the school
that’s got the problem. Take all your
schools today, they all got problems.
Teaching all this lefty propaganda
instead of the important stuff.
.
GISELLE
Hmm. You may be right. But I’m
concerned about him.JOEY
Yeah, it’s a shame liberal America
is ruining him and many other kids.GISELLE
Well tell me how was work?JOEY
Ah, the same old BS. Nobody knows how
to drive anymore. Old Levenson got his
car totaled on the freeway, brought in
a $6,000 repair job, it’s a miracle
he’s alive. Nobody knows how to drive
anymore. I don’t want to talk about
work.GISELLE
Wow.JOEY
Then take those teenagers getting
drunk anytime of day. Or the aliens,
God help us, running lights to get
away from ICE. Thank goodness we
finally got a President who has the
decency to send them back where they
belong instead of living off our tax
dollars and making our country unsafe
to live in.

Thenew #allinthefamily Episode 1 – Meet The Stivics Video 4

IMAGE – TEXT being typed (Josh) – Sudden change! You gotta unhack me.IMAGE – TEXT being typed (Michael)flashes – Huh? What d’you mean?IMAGE – TEXT being typed (Josh) flashes – You gotta fix my school records so they look normal.ALL OF A SUDDEN, the phone is yanked out from under him.JOEY
(looking at phone)
“Fix my school records so they look
normal…”Josh looks really trapped and helpless.JOEY
(starting to lose it)
Fix my school records so they look
normal. Boy, you are so busted!
(to Giselle and Mike)
Is there a way to put a monitor on
his phone?Both of them look helpless to answer his question and Josh giggles reservedly under his breath.JOEY
Hey!
(slams his hand down)
Don’t get smart with me!Josh loses the smirk.JOEY
We’re going to have a parent-teacher
conference and fix all your
delinquencies. How do you feel now?
We’ll just hold onto your phone for
now. And you’re grounded.Josh sits there stunned and stone-faced. Giselle also freezes up. Samantha tries to be stone-faced but betrays a smile of satisfaction.JOEY
(to Josh)
What do you have to say for yourself
now?GISELLE
(calm)
I think he’s had enough for now. Josh,
finish up your plate and go to your
room.JOEY
Naah, wait.
(to Josh, softer)
At first, I really thought you were
the victim of a terrible liberal
education system.MIKE
(upset)
Do you always have to bring that in?JOEY
Ey! I still think they drove him to
this. Let me talk to Josh uninterrupted
please.
(back to Josh)
Now as far as you’re concerned, I
had faith in you.GISELLE
No you didn’t.JOEY
Will you stop interrupting me? My
God, can’t anybody have a conversation
without getting interrupted every
five seconds?
(back to Josh)
Now, Josh, I can understand you’re
upset at this creepy education
system…Mike shoots an upset look in his direction.JOEY
And I would’ve been ready to back you
up with that. But you really went too
far by hacking into your school
records. Even if they are teaching
you to live a life of crime. Now
this is serious. What else don’t I
know about?Josh is frozen, not saying anything.JOEY
There’s something else, isn’t there?There’s a cold silence, everyone waiting for Josh to speak.JOEY
What else did you do?JOSH
I didn’t do anything else.JOEY
Then why did you take so long to
say that?GISELLE
Alright, Joey, let him go. He’s
already done enough wrong. He says
that was all.JOEY
Boy are you so naïve.
(to Josh)
Well I got your phone. I can find
out what else you did. Don’t worry,
I will. You’re busted. You really
disappointed me.
(to Giselle)
And don’t be trying to cover for him.He picks up Josh’s phone and tries to figure out what to look for on it.JOEY
(to Josh)
I know you’re not gonna help me. But
I’ll find somebody who can. Dad…MIKE
I hate to disappoint you Joey but my
expertise is not in phones.JOEY
So what is it in then?MIKE
I’m a social scientist.JOEY
What kind of a useless profession is
that?MIKE
It’s a very important one that holds
the key to solving the world’s most
pressing problems.JOEY
Well stop holding the key and start
solving them then. At least I really
fix cars.MIKE
Woah, woah… Before you get totally
insulting…GISELLE
(interrupting)
Uh, people, can we get back to the
problem at hand. Josh, finish your
food please so you can go up to your
room.JOEY
This isn’t over yet buddy. I’m gonna
find out everything.JOSH
Good luck. There’s nothing to find.JOEY
No matter what you say, I’ll find it
anyway.Josh eats very slowly, agitating Joey.JOEY
Josh, eat up. Hurry up so you can
start being grounded quickly.Josh angrily puts the plate on the table, food unfinished and storms upstairs. Giselle looks upset but restrains herself from talking.JOEY
I was right all along about the
hacking. He admitted it. Now we got
to figure out what else is on his
phone that he’s hiding.MIKE
You don’t believe him when he says
there’s nothing to find.JOEY
Of course not.MIKE
Yet you believe Trump when he says
he’s done nothing wrong.JOEY
What are you talking about? He
admitted it on his phone when he
texted his friend to fix his school
records. Why do you always have to
bring in Trump?MIKE
Because Trump kept insisting there
was nothing to find by investigating
him and Josh just said there’s
nothing to find by searching his
phone. How come you’re so ready
to trust your President but can’t
even trust your own son?JOEY
Because my son’s a moron and the
President is great man of
accomplishment. Plus they really
didn’t find anything. No collusion!
No obstruction!MIKE
I don’t believe you!…JOEY
And another thing. What made Josh a
moron is this liberal leftist
education system. There’s no more
real American education like there
used to be. They got black education,
illegal education…MIKE
Illegal education?JOEY
Yeah, education for illegals. You
teach enough of that stuff then the
kids get the idea that’s it’s okay
to do things that are illegal.
FADE OUT

The New #allinthefamily Episode 1 – Meet The Stivics Reading 1
INT – THE HOUSE, LIVING ROOM DAY

A simple yet home-like room, not too big yet comfortably spacey with a nice couch and a couple of comfortable arm chairs, the one the right revealing a lot of wear and tear underneath the padding.
On the right is the front door, which suddenly opens and in walks JOEY. He is a medium sturdy build, with a work gut beer belly and a very close crop of graying blond hair. He looks around as GISELLE comes out from the other side. She also looks of sturdy build with a perm to her medium length hair.

GISELLE
(warmly with arms open,
smiling wryly)
Hiya Joey! How was your day?

JOEY
(unenthusiastic)
Hey Giselle. Lousy.

GISELLE
Well my day was lousy too.

JOEY
Well nobody asked you. Did you
get my message?

GISELLE
You mean about being late at work?

JOEY
(irritated)
Why would I be asking about that
when I’m already home?

Sits in the chair with wear and tear.

JOEY
No I mean the message about Josh’s
delinquency.

GISELLE
Josh’s delinquency?!

JOEY
The kid didn’t turn in his homework
again. If you ask me, I think it’s
the school that’s delinquent. Now
get me a beer.

Turns the remote on the TV.

GISELLE
Please.

Joey gives her a dirty look.

JOEY
Never mind, I’ll get it myself.
How come you didn’t get my message?

Gets up and goes into the kitchen as Giselle follows him, checking her phone.

INT – KITCHEN DAY

GISELLE
(to herself)
Oh.
(to Joey)
You know it would be nice if you said
please and thank you.

JOEY
(as he gets the beer)
Please and thank you stop bothering
me.
INT – LIVING ROOM DAY

GISELLE
(as they return to the living
room and sit in the two chairs)
What happened with Josh?

JOEY
How’m I supposed to know? They just
said he hasn’t been showing up and
never got in any of his assignments.

GISELLE
I don’t know. That’s not like him.
He’s usually very good about stuff
like that. He’s top of the class.

JOEY
That’s why I think it’s the school
that’s got the problem. Take all your
schools today, they all got problems.
Teaching all this lefty propaganda
instead of the important stuff.
.
GISELLE
Hmm. You may be right. But I’m
concerned about him.

JOEY
Yeah, it’s a shame liberal America
is ruining him and many other kids.

GISELLE
Well tell me how was work?

JOEY
Ah, the same old BS. Nobody knows how
to drive anymore. Old Levenson got his
car totaled on the freeway, brought in
a $6,000 repair job, it’s a miracle
he’s alive. Nobody knows how to drive
anymore. I don’t want to talk about
work.

GISELLE
Wow.

JOEY
Then take those teenagers getting
drunk anytime of day. Or the aliens,
God help us, running lights to get
away from ICE. Thank goodness we
finally got a President who has the
decency to send them back where they
belong instead of living off our tax
dollars and making our country unsafe
to live in.

In walks SAMANTHA. She’s a 15 year old with medium length, cropped, slightly curly stylish hair, tasteful looking for a teenager, carrying a cell phone in her right hand. Joey picks up the newspaper, glancing at her out of the corner of his eyes.

SAMANTHA
(discretely, softly to Giselle)
Mom, can I see you in the kitchen?

JOEY
If it’s money, little girl, you can
talk about it here.

Samantha gives him a dirty look.

The New ‘All In The Family’ Theme Song

THE NEW ‘ALL IN THE FAMILY’

starring

________ as Joey Stivic, a 40-something year old mechanic

________ as Giselle Stivic, Joey’s wife

________ as Samantha Stivic, Joey’s 15-year-old daughter (soon to be transgender and male)

________ as Josh Stivic, Joey’s 16-year-old son

Rob Reiner as Michael Stivic, Joey’s father

________ as Kamala Butler, Samantha’s girlfriend(soon to be transgender and male)

(Featuring from time to time, guest appearances by Sally Struthers as Gloria Bunker, Joey’s mother, and Carl Reiner as Mike’s Uncle Lech)

Theme Song

to the tune of the original theme song but with a country beat and feel

INT – LIVING ROOM DAY

Joey and Giselle are standing in the living room together with their arms around each other

JOEY

Boy the way Glen Campbell sang

GISELLE

Songs that really had that twang

JOEY

Life was really such a bang

JOEY AND GISELLE

Those were the days

INT – A ROW OF BATHROOM DOORS WITH UNIVERSAL GENDER SYMBOLS, FEMALE ON THE LEFT, TRANSGENDER IN THE MIDDLE, MALE ON THE RIGHT

PAN ON TRANSGENDER DOOR.

GISELLE

And you knew who you were then

A man wearing lipstick, eye makeup and blush walks out.

Then a more conservative looking man walks out of the right room and a more conservative looking woman walks out of the left room as Joey sings the next line

JOEY

Girls were girls and men were men

JOEY AND GISELLE

Listen, we could use a man like Richard

Nixon again.

Simultaneous with that line, shot of President Nixon giving “My Fellow Americans…” speech.

Cut to shot of President Obama.

JOEY

Didn’t need ObamaCare.

Back to visual of Joey and Giselle in living room.

GISELLE

Every-

body knew what’s fair is fair.

JOEY

Our ol’ Chevy got us there.

JOEY AND GISELLE

(Hugging each other with big smile)

Those were the days!