Friday 10/3/14, Sunday 10/5/14: We miss greatly the small things of mixed and dubious benefit that we’ve lost while we think little to nothing of the super great things we never experienced at all. We’ll settle for a life lock in the hand so we can feel secure in having that thing everyone prizes above all else called love—even if it’s nothing but a poor semblance of real love—while we’re either afraid of or have no interest in a soul-mate. I am the first to take issue with anyone who believes there is one eternal soul-mate, but some people are truly in that group of people who may not now be but can be soul-mates of profound connection if we only let them and give them a chance while others will never be any more than life partners, whether for a time or for the rest of our current life, people with whom we work hard to secure connection, share IMs, share a bed, trade sexual pleasures with and share moments with, with whom a deep and abiding love perhaps can be forged with a lot of difficulty, out of the shared experiences, but we will have so much of our lives, both ourselves and they, that will never be shared, so it will never shed the aspect of a contract, an agreement—or at best the closeness of commonplace family, brother, sister, mother, father, favorite nephew; I’m not knocking it, it’s like finding happiness and contentment at your desk job, never knowing what, with a little extra effort, dream job could await you with so much more fulfillment. And the reason we end up with this kind of life and love life is because we didn’t believe in ourselves not to compromise and instead to venture out and find one of our many true soul-mates, the bliss and amazement of such connection we will never, ever know because our faith in ourselves and our ability to attain everything we truly want out of life for ourselves was either too weak or not there at all.

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