A TRAVES DE LAS PAREDES FRONTERIZAS

To my sweet love,

A mi dulce amor,

I know our love has been moving fast on the mental plane.

Sé que nuestro amor se ha estado moviendo rápido en el plano mental.

At the same time, it has been moving very slowly in the physical realm.

Al mismo tiempo, se ha estado moviendo muy lentamente en el reino físico.

Every night I go to bed very lonely and flooded over with continually frustrated desire to clasp my body in passion to a very beautiful woman like you.

Cada noche me voy a la cama muy sola e inundada con el deseo continuamente frustrado de abrochar mi cuerpo en la pasión a una mujer muy hermosa como tú.

On the days and nights when you greet me and tell me you love me with your emoji kisses, my heart is filled with hope and my life with happiness.

En los días y noches en que me saludas y me dices que me amas con tus besos emoji, mi corazón está lleno de esperanza y mi vida de felicidad.

Just two or three words from you, “Good morning baby” or “I love you sweetheart” are all I need because I know your situation and you need to work long hours every day.

Apenas dos o tres palabras de usted, “bebé del buen día” o “te amo cariño” son todo lo que necesito porque sé su situación y usted necesita trabajar largas horas cada día.

But last night you didn’t text me back and my heart sank in severe darkness.

Pero anoche no me has texto de nuevo y mi corazón se hundió en la oscuridad severa.

I know you must have been very tired from working every day 12 long hours.

Sé que debes estar muy cansado de trabajar todos los días durante 12 largas horas.

Any other woman would have given up on our love long ago. We don’t speak the same language, don’t come the same country or culture, don’t even have work schedules that match each other, don’t have the same religion, don’t listen to the same music, don’t laugh at the same jokes, don’t barely get to plant sweet kisses on each other’s tasty lips.

Cualquier otra mujer habría renunciado a nuestro amor hace mucho tiempo. No hablamos el mismo idioma, no llegamos al mismo país o cultura, ni siquiera tenemos horarios de trabajo que coinciden, no tenemos la misma religión, no escuchamos la misma música, T risa en las mismas bromas, no apenas consigue plantar besos dulces en los labios sabrosos del uno al otro.

But still you held onto me long after others, with so much more in common, would have quit.

Pero aún así se mantuvo en mí mucho después de que otros, con mucho más en común, hubieran dejado.

So last night, when you didn’t text, I got scared you fell out of love and into the common sense that says this is too crazy and you decided it was too much not to drop, and my heart sank.

Así que ayer por la noche, cuando no escribiste, me asusté que te cayeras de amor y en el sentido común que dice que esto es demasiado loco y decidiste que era demasiado para no caer, y mi corazón se hundió.

I had asked you, because we couldn’t get our days matched up, to let me pick you up and spend the night and it seems you got reasonably scared because we’ve only seen each other in person for all of one work break and a meal at a restaurant but not really spent time together.

Te lo había preguntado, porque no podíamos conseguir que nuestros días coincidieran, para dejar que te recoja y pasar la noche y parece que tienes un miedo razonablemente porque sólo nos hemos visto en persona durante toda una pausa de trabajo y Una comida en un restaurante pero realmente no pasamos tiempo juntos.

You are working to avoid deportation while I am working to avoid death from diabetes due to loss of insurance and massive debt.

Usted está trabajando para evitar la deportación mientras estoy trabajando para evitar la muerte por diabetes debido a la pérdida de seguro y la deuda masiva.

Of course it seems wise at this time not to complicate our lives with the extremely hot fire of love. But honey I ask you please to do it anyway and come burn with me. For what is life without love but a living death? And there’ll be plenty of time to be dead when we really are dead. We’ve come so far and merged our hearts together in this great, amazing love, to give up now. We can’t give up, honey, We’ve got to hold on, we’ve come too far even in this short time already.

Por supuesto, parece prudente en este momento no complicar nuestras vidas con el fuego extremadamente caliente del amor. Pero cariño te pido por favor que lo hagas de todos modos y venga a quemar conmigo. ¿Qué es la vida sin amor, sino una muerte viva? Y habrá mucho tiempo para morir cuando realmente estamos muertos. Hemos llegado tan lejos y hemos unido nuestros corazones en este gran y asombroso amor, para renunciar ahora. No podemos rendirnos, cariño, Tenemos que aguantar, hemos llegado demasiado lejos en este corto tiempo.

Yes, I know we are caught now having to take a tremendous risk and do something very scary or else lose everything we have together. I know spending nights together is the only way since there are no days we can spend together. I know we don’t know enough yet to know how the years will turn, both of us having brought ourselves to the bitter pain of divorce through the tempestuous flames of youthful desire. But I say, baby, no love is ever perfect and every love demands you sacrifice more for it than you want to or are comfortable giving. But I say to you, darling, be brave and take this chance with me while we still have it. I will be there with you every step of the way and I promise you you will be so glad even despite the hardship we must take now to get there. But as the first Selena sang in a song many, many years ago, the one who sang in both English and Spanish, “Listen to your heart”. Please my baby. Don’t listen to fear. I know we can win big. You don’t have to chant NAM MYOHO RENGE KYO with me. It is enough that I do for us to gain absolute victory in life. Just by supporting me, the one who does chant, you are assured absolute victory in life, victory over incredible odds. Let’s not let this movie come to an unhappy ending. People are watching us and want to see us happily married forever. Now is our chance baby. I beg you don’t be scared. Come. Come spend the nights we have now and Let’s build our love into a treasure trove of happiness so not only we but our friends can see that love can work out in the lives of two courageous who trust each other and the forces of fortune and that there is still a chance for the human race. Come. Come join me, and together Let’s smash this border wall once and for all.

To say, “I love you” isn’t enough to express all I feel for you, love, but I will say these 3 (or 2) words anyway because they’re all I have.

I LOVE YOU, Y_______

♥️

MARC

miss-ing

It’s Saturday night 

when lovers are in each other’s sight. 

but we can’t be together 

because we have to work day and night.

It’s not about wanting to be better looking than anyone else. Nor is it really about being desired by more than one woman at the same time. That’s just the method, the expedient means my lack of confidence in myself is causing me to see as necessary, in order to get what I really want: to be loved by someone else who’s beautiful, some ONE else. So, just as the Buddha bravely discarded His expedient means by saying that he really didn’t undergo countless virtually impossible to do tasks over many lifetimes to achieve His enlightenment but that He had always been enlightened, but instead was always doing the simple, kind act of practicing the bodhisattva way, so too must I bravely chant to discard those expedient means of my own—i.e. to be better looking, to have more women than others loving me, and open up within myself my absolute, unstoppable self-confidence by simply loving myself and loving others freely and without reservation.

A Poetic Plea For Love And Passion

Wed 6/25:

I know the idea of making love to a stranger may sound more than a bit creepy, but love is like peace, justice and human harmony and happiness. If we wait until it feels right and perfect, the right time may never happen. Have you ever stood by a pool of cold water hoping for the right time to take that dive? Even if you try to go in at the shallow end, toes first, slowly, my experience is you still have to encounter that burst of cold water. But then, after that, you have so much fun. Or, to continue the metaphor about peace, justice and a better, when we take a bold move of any kind, we strike out against nature, refusing to allow her or anyone, whether through a force fabricated, to be our goddess, to bind us to her services (or theirs), striving to realize not just the easy part of our DNA but all that we are endowed with therein, we will fall, we will stumble, we will be severely hurt, we will suffer the agony of defeat and the pain of embarrassed humiliation. But it is still better to live that way, not just because of that tiny rose, that prize that awaits us at the end of an interminable stem of thorns but because, with every defeat, the rose we so ardently and desperately desire becomes us—we become better people for it, better lovers, even if the reciprocation is post-mortem or by a different set of deities who do not enjoy the luxury of being worshipped. (7/2 ADD: Amazing how faithfully unsought deprivation turns us into philosophers and spiritual mentors while depravation (you said you liked word play) and meanness are the products of having everything we want fall into our laps). I know beyond a shadow of a doubt, as much as I don’t know what your decision will be, that I can definitely count on Shakespeare and Verdi being in full agreement with me.

Mon 6/30:

Ah, the idea of going to see a Broadway show, sitting at the New York City Ballet with someone who appreciates it as I do, who loves the finer and deeper things of life and has the full passion and the affection that makes life rich in all its facets. Though, like Henry V, I have spent a lifetime in grittier social climes, the blood of centuries of cultivation since the shakedown at Sinai still flows within this, albeit somewhat egalitarian bosom that longs to cling to yours.

Tue 6/24:

You clearly will never understand how alone in the world every writer stands until it is incumbent upon you to fill that blank page and create that drama all on your own, to travel to unknown climes, up massive and intimidating climbs, at least not until you assign yourself that life’s mission. No, you are the person in front of the camera, the prima donna, the shining light. My job is to make you shine and yours is to shine. Your job is to turn your light on and mine’s to embrace it with a color that makes you so brilliant—doubly amazing. We could have that amazing partnership through life.

Mon 6/30:

Love is vulnerability. It means meandering through scores of less than perfect circumstances to savor the limited time you might have with someone equally scared of what it means so that something more beautiful than anything else in the world can be experienced by you together with that person fully, physically, emotionally, mentally (although that’s usually where the rub is because our minds abstract and make things out of things which are not things to begin with) and spiritually. It means, as John Legend might say using different words, being with someone full of imperfection but loving her (him) even more because you, though the imperfections may be vastly different, are the same human being, a creature by nature full of imperfection yet, perhaps unlike all other creatures, yearning desperately to come together to form a more perfect union each day than the day before, finding yourself, like magic, suddenly loving the very things you hated, then growing to hate them again, then learning with patience and work, to love them again, a feature I don’t believe any relationship that runs its course to the deepest and happiest love is without. After all, if it were not for these imperfections, there would be no makeup sex, the best kind, the pinnacle of all sexual experiences (perhaps I idealize a bit here since my own reality has not always guaranteed that—not the quality of the sex part, but the makeup part).

Mon 6/30:

I’ve really put a lot of care and thought into this. It has lived with me as any other of my writing pieces I have deeply treasured before sending them out into the world, as I’m prepared as any child leaving home for the cruel onslaughts of indifference, apathy, ignorance and simply a world being so wound up in its busyness that the cure for this fearsome time bomb we’ve turned our planet into yet do everything in our power to defeat our universal and wise premonition within us—that they are blind to the very cure right before their eyes—the healing power of poetry turned out by the pure human spirit that beats, unheard and unfelt, to a much saner and paced beat.

Many a flash has hit my mind that I’ve jotted down over many pages of my journal but have been unable to get it down in the memory of my computer (ed. note: I was at work when I wrote this where all phones and computers are strictly forbidden; thank goodness of the pen and paper), which is afforded me so little time to make legible, edit to clarity, wisdom, perfection and romance so as to be able to penetrate the protective wall you have wisely put up high surrounding your heart, hoping neither to pierce a vulnerable, wounded place in the bedrock nor to fail by writing against a part of the wall too rough and thick to have any effect, but to find the opening, hidden to my eyes, the secret gateway of admission to the palace of majesty that is your solemn, sublime, beautiful and exquisite world, hoping that somewhere in what follows will be the key, the password, the combination that is the magic.

Tue 7/1:

Okay, take a pause, take a breath. And let’s go catch a concert in the park. Or maybe Shakespeare.

I know you have perhaps a lot more options and potential partners than I do. But just give me one chance—one date—to offer you a brilliant mind, the depth of an artist (a fellow artist) and a love that’s gold. For you would give me a reason to go find a concert in the park to enjoy the music of the ages and of the heart on a beautiful summer’s eve sitting by your side.