To my sweet love,

A mi dulce amor,

I know our love has been moving fast on the mental plane.

Sé que nuestro amor se ha estado moviendo rápido en el plano mental.

At the same time, it has been moving very slowly in the physical realm.

Al mismo tiempo, se ha estado moviendo muy lentamente en el reino físico.

Every night I go to bed very lonely and flooded over with continually frustrated desire to clasp my body in passion to a very beautiful woman like you.

Cada noche me voy a la cama muy sola e inundada con el deseo continuamente frustrado de abrochar mi cuerpo en la pasión a una mujer muy hermosa como tú.

On the days and nights when you greet me and tell me you love me with your emoji kisses, my heart is filled with hope and my life with happiness.

En los días y noches en que me saludas y me dices que me amas con tus besos emoji, mi corazón está lleno de esperanza y mi vida de felicidad.

Just two or three words from you, “Good morning baby” or “I love you sweetheart” are all I need because I know your situation and you need to work long hours every day.

Apenas dos o tres palabras de usted, “bebé del buen día” o “te amo cariño” son todo lo que necesito porque sé su situación y usted necesita trabajar largas horas cada día.

But last night you didn’t text me back and my heart sank in severe darkness.

Pero anoche no me has texto de nuevo y mi corazón se hundió en la oscuridad severa.

I know you must have been very tired from working every day 12 long hours.

Sé que debes estar muy cansado de trabajar todos los días durante 12 largas horas.

Any other woman would have given up on our love long ago. We don’t speak the same language, don’t come the same country or culture, don’t even have work schedules that match each other, don’t have the same religion, don’t listen to the same music, don’t laugh at the same jokes, don’t barely get to plant sweet kisses on each other’s tasty lips.

Cualquier otra mujer habría renunciado a nuestro amor hace mucho tiempo. No hablamos el mismo idioma, no llegamos al mismo país o cultura, ni siquiera tenemos horarios de trabajo que coinciden, no tenemos la misma religión, no escuchamos la misma música, T risa en las mismas bromas, no apenas consigue plantar besos dulces en los labios sabrosos del uno al otro.

But still you held onto me long after others, with so much more in common, would have quit.

Pero aún así se mantuvo en mí mucho después de que otros, con mucho más en común, hubieran dejado.

So last night, when you didn’t text, I got scared you fell out of love and into the common sense that says this is too crazy and you decided it was too much not to drop, and my heart sank.

Así que ayer por la noche, cuando no escribiste, me asusté que te cayeras de amor y en el sentido común que dice que esto es demasiado loco y decidiste que era demasiado para no caer, y mi corazón se hundió.

I had asked you, because we couldn’t get our days matched up, to let me pick you up and spend the night and it seems you got reasonably scared because we’ve only seen each other in person for all of one work break and a meal at a restaurant but not really spent time together.

Te lo había preguntado, porque no podíamos conseguir que nuestros días coincidieran, para dejar que te recoja y pasar la noche y parece que tienes un miedo razonablemente porque sólo nos hemos visto en persona durante toda una pausa de trabajo y Una comida en un restaurante pero realmente no pasamos tiempo juntos.

You are working to avoid deportation while I am working to avoid death from diabetes due to loss of insurance and massive debt.

Usted está trabajando para evitar la deportación mientras estoy trabajando para evitar la muerte por diabetes debido a la pérdida de seguro y la deuda masiva.

Of course it seems wise at this time not to complicate our lives with the extremely hot fire of love. But honey I ask you please to do it anyway and come burn with me. For what is life without love but a living death? And there’ll be plenty of time to be dead when we really are dead. We’ve come so far and merged our hearts together in this great, amazing love, to give up now. We can’t give up, honey, We’ve got to hold on, we’ve come too far even in this short time already.

Por supuesto, parece prudente en este momento no complicar nuestras vidas con el fuego extremadamente caliente del amor. Pero cariño te pido por favor que lo hagas de todos modos y venga a quemar conmigo. ¿Qué es la vida sin amor, sino una muerte viva? Y habrá mucho tiempo para morir cuando realmente estamos muertos. Hemos llegado tan lejos y hemos unido nuestros corazones en este gran y asombroso amor, para renunciar ahora. No podemos rendirnos, cariño, Tenemos que aguantar, hemos llegado demasiado lejos en este corto tiempo.

Yes, I know we are caught now having to take a tremendous risk and do something very scary or else lose everything we have together. I know spending nights together is the only way since there are no days we can spend together. I know we don’t know enough yet to know how the years will turn, both of us having brought ourselves to the bitter pain of divorce through the tempestuous flames of youthful desire. But I say, baby, no love is ever perfect and every love demands you sacrifice more for it than you want to or are comfortable giving. But I say to you, darling, be brave and take this chance with me while we still have it. I will be there with you every step of the way and I promise you you will be so glad even despite the hardship we must take now to get there. But as the first Selena sang in a song many, many years ago, the one who sang in both English and Spanish, “Listen to your heart”. Please my baby. Don’t listen to fear. I know we can win big. You don’t have to chant NAM MYOHO RENGE KYO with me. It is enough that I do for us to gain absolute victory in life. Just by supporting me, the one who does chant, you are assured absolute victory in life, victory over incredible odds. Let’s not let this movie come to an unhappy ending. People are watching us and want to see us happily married forever. Now is our chance baby. I beg you don’t be scared. Come. Come spend the nights we have now and Let’s build our love into a treasure trove of happiness so not only we but our friends can see that love can work out in the lives of two courageous who trust each other and the forces of fortune and that there is still a chance for the human race. Come. Come join me, and together Let’s smash this border wall once and for all.

To say, “I love you” isn’t enough to express all I feel for you, love, but I will say these 3 (or 2) words anyway because they’re all I have.

I LOVE YOU, Y_______



mi querida

The full moon has finally come
through the fine web of meshes that keep me shrouded away from life which I thirst, parched for.
Soon, my meshes of liberation, the engine of my parachute,
will be ready for launch,
and all the bad meshes, the confining steel bars, will be broken.
I can feel my imminent freedom,
like this tired old moon, which returns month after month,
entering my life for the first time
and devirginizing me of my lifelong misery and despair.
The moon appears in the darkness before the dawn. I am so excited, so eager……….

Matrix Bars Bend I Vow

Shortly before sundown
The landscape sparkles behind confining bars
Beckoning to the night, Saturday’s invitation
To the dance, To the love of the lovers,
To my dad’s birthday, imminent with celebration.
But, I, confined in before rusty steel bars,
Am going nowhere, one side gripped by stubborn illness,
The other by toxic work,
There is no fun permitted me.


has cut through the suffering, the misery,
such a fate would sentence anyone to.
But not me! Yes the people and fun are phantoms.
But the peace has not and will not be robbed me.
Blow hell you steely smoke of charred pain!
You’ll never succumb me, might’s well surrender now.
I am the sunshine, the people, the party,
Turned around on you, my matrix bars bend I avow.20170805_194512

When you get in front of the Gohonzon to chant NAM MYOHO RENGE KYO, you are resolving to give to life even if you may not realize it. The difference between trying to give from your mental image of giving and actually giving from your true self is as wide as night and day. The theoretical bodhisattva who may do some good but lacks the life condition to encourage anyone in so many instances is like one who gropes blindly in the dark of night, whereas the essential bodhisattva or bodhisattva of the earth, who just chants NAM MYOHO RENGE KYO first  with a mind of determination and then lives based upon that determination is like one in the broad daylight who is actually able to give something whether tangible or intangible to the right person in the right way and at the right time. It is not that we put on a nice face and give something we’ve been told to give. It is not that we are a selfish person who  changes into a nice person. People at heart are neither selfish nor selfless. It is that we are ourselves and our “higher” or deeper self or power manifests as, by chanting, we naturally discover and clear away our inner cobwebs of illusion and negative views of life so that our true, beautiful self can shine through and our wisdom, free of all those misconceptions we had been operating under, enables us to give to each person we encounter during the day in a very natural way. Of course we have to make some effort to take the correct actions but our strong life condition from chanting and studying Buddhist wisdom equips us such that this is an enjoyable effort and life is so enjoyable both for us and for those we encounter, even those who, blinded out their darkness by the dazzling light we emit, get negative and hostile to us like one we have disturbed out of their sleep.


I am a writer being forced to be a medical transcriptionist in a system that is verged by the fear of many and the immorality of a few to collapse very soon and leave us all, rich or poor, in much bigger trouble.
The teachers in school said the few spoil it for the many but they never taught us how to fix that and look what our world has turned into. They were just talking about the one or two kids who act out and that’s why there was no way they could help us figure out how to stop the kids with 2-digit ages above 20 who have gotten their fingers on the controls of our financial system and are enslaving us into their reign of terror with no effective accounting or oversight.

This is from an article in the August Living Buddhism on page 28:
“At a crucial moment, the vacillating emotions in people’s hearts are clearly and unfailingly revealed. The human heart can be frightening indeed.
“Mr. Toda always used to say, ‘In a crunch, the facades of people who are unprincipled, self-serving or vain and pretentious soon crumble, revealing their true colors. Though they make a lot of noise about kosen-rufu and introducing others to Nichiren Buddhism, such base people almost invariably end up donning the evil armor of treachery and becoming an antagonistic force that insults and inflicts suffering on those who are dedicated to following the true and correct path.’
“Keenly perceptive, Mr. Toda further said: ‘Leave those base and cowardly losers be. To betray the Soka Gakkai is to betray the Daishonin. You’ll know what I mean, when you see the retribution they incur at the end of their lives.’
“For the past 55 years, I have clearly and gravely observed these patterns of human behavior. The strict workings of the Buddhist law of cause and effect are more accurate than the most precise science, utterly without error.”

There is a passage from gongyo that reads:
“Ga jo chi shujo.
“Gyo do fu gyo do.”
(“Always I am aware of which living beings
“practice the way, and which do not.”)

You cannot see behind pretense.
You cannot see behind insincerity.
You cannot see even your own ignorance
Unless you have devoted your own self to the way:

Unless you desire for true happiness for all people and are willing to strip yourself of your own prejudices, assumptions an lazinesses in life “lower the banner of your arrogance, cast aside the staff of your anger, and devote yourself exclusively to the one vehicle of the Lotus Sutra” (WND-1-p.59), you will never know what the way truly is nor whether you are practicing correctly or not.

I have paid my dues and suffered in the mud of everyday reality while fighting my hardest among ordinary people on the front lines of kosen-rufu while many stayed back. I do not say, “I think I have earned the ability to know who’s practicing and who’s not” simply observing what causes I have made. I have earned this ability because my eyes have been opened as a result of my practice. This is actual proof, not arrogance, for me to know where you’re coming from and see right through you. I know who I can count on and who all the charlatans are. I don’t honestly trust a single one of the SGI members except these few: Those I have seen day in and day out, and what they are doing to sincerely support others and improve themselves while carrying themselves with humility and gratitude, The Buddha, Shakyamuni, who was no monasticist preaching Buddhist doctrine from behind a pulpit, but who suffered alone and then suffered among the people, scratching his head all his life to find the best way to help the people bravely come to their own awakening to the truth of life (“and in resonse to their needs for salvation (Zui o sho a do), I preach various doctrines for them (I sesshu ju ho). At all times I think to myself (Mai ji sa ze nen): How can I cause living beings (I ga ryo shu jo) to gain entry into the unsurpassed way (Thoku nyu mu-jo do) and quickly acquire the body of a Buddha? (Soku joju busshin)”

The path is that simple. How much time do you spend truly caring about other people’s happiness and enlightenment? Or is it just you want them to like you so you are careful not to offend? Do you care enough about a person that you can say the truth and be tough enough to walk away if they reject you for it? Do you now enough about the truth or have your own blindnesses and prejudices about your own motives blinded you to them?

Buddhism is not an easy practice nor is life an easy life if you live it correctly and sincerely as a wise and honest person. Socrates drank the hemlock willingly. Martin Luther King walked willingly into the assassin’s bullet. Good people know everything that most of us cling to as comfort the way a baby does–they know that all that is on the line. But preaching it is not enough, I’m sorry.

So if you stand up in the organization or if you go on the website or social platform of Facebook, can you back up everything you say with your blood? If you don’t know the answer to that, then your words are false and just bullshit. Nothing that a person claims loyalty or fidelity to means anything to a person who isn’t willing to stake his whole life to defend that belief. That’s when people know they can count on you. When your words and your actions match up. So I say to you, make something of yourself in this world. Don’t be a weak wuss like the majority. Don’t be a Facebook Talking Head. Show us what you’re made of and walk the march. Go the distance. Put yourself on the line for people. Whether they reject you or embrace what you have to say, go all out for them. That is all anyone will see. I hope I can be braver and do a much better job at my own human revolution. But one thing I am proud I can say now: I am afraid of nobody. I live for what I know is right and I will never give up. Certainly never for peer pressure and never for political pressure. And never for a buck. If you don’t want to join us, I’m sad, but I need to find truly like-minded comrades who mean what they say. I never point fingers. Those with eyes can see for themselves. Those without eyes (people blind to what’s really going on) never will so it’s important never to poison their minds with information, whether true or false, that will poison their minds with prejudice. I don’t want anybody hating anybody else out of ignorance. The wise can already see what’s what while if the foolish can’t see who’s genuine and who’s not, it’s better not to tell them because they’ll still get the wrong idea. Mark my words and take my advice. I am rarely wrong anymore. You’ll see. Better sooner than later.