The reality is……I never stopped writing……
As I approach my final preparations for my jump off the cliff,
The only useful and effective parachute is the Bodhisattva Way.
Be there for and acknowledge the true self of others and they will support you where gravity won’t.
Shortly before sundown
The landscape sparkles behind confining bars
Beckoning to the night, Saturday’s invitation
To the dance, To the love of the lovers,
To my dad’s birthday, imminent with celebration.
But, I, confined in before rusty steel bars,
Am going nowhere, one side gripped by stubborn illness,
The other by toxic work,
There is no fun permitted me.
3¼ hours of NAM MYOHO RENGE KYO
has cut through the suffering, the misery,
such a fate would sentence anyone to.
But not me! Yes the people and fun are phantoms.
But the peace has not and will not be robbed me.
Blow hell you steely smoke of charred pain!
You’ll never succumb me, might’s well surrender now.
I am the sunshine, the people, the party,
Turned around on you, my matrix bars bend I avow.
Chanting is my only meditation. Life is meditation if you can psyche yourself into it. You gotta not let the things of life shake you. It’s much easier to isolate yourself in a room and meditate. There the only devils are your thoughts. But to live life itself as a meditation–that is infinitely harder. To achieve that which is called in Buddhism samyak samadhi, or the Buddha’s state of non-regression, only chanting Nam myoho renge kyo with powerful determination will work. Then you can sail through life like a calm breeze at all times. It just takes a lot of daily practice.
As long as I’m alive, I will stay young. Whether it’s nurturing the next generation, fighting for equal justice for all or awakening people to the beauty of their lives, I will be totally vibrant and alive. What I was too scared, too sick and too overwhelmed to do for too long, I will be doing 3-fold for a very long time ahead. I dare all you 20-year, 30-year olds, to try to keep up with me.
Tuesday, September 2, 2014: The great thing about Nichiren Buddhism in the SGI is that I don’t have to feel morally better or beat myself up so I can justify myself to anybody. As long as I do my best to chant to the best of my ability—not anyone else’s high-falutin standard of correct practice—and strive to absorb and live with Sensei’s guidance, I can live as the asshole I really am with no pressure, being honest that I’m selfish, greedy and only want to do things for others in order to be loved in return or because I know my Buddhist practice will enable me to do things that help, support, sustain and better the lives of others whereas beating myself up trying or pretending to be someone I’m not won’t do anyone the least damn bit of good and will continue to get me really sick and in tons of the same physical pain I’ve known for years. But because I’ve given all that pressure up, my daimoku feels better and I can feel something beginning to break that will enable me to gather the treasure on the other side that is neither selfish nor selfless but is a soothing bath of fortune I and others can fully immerse ourselves in and enjoy together freely.